DBZ's first Chanukkah
by Jyuu
Summary: The Z Senshi finds out they're Jewish! Mirai Trunks comes to watch the fun. *Complete*
1. Chapter OneThe Briefs hear the news

Hello, this is my first DBZ fanfic so if it sucks wait for more.  
  
Mirai Trunks and Chibi Trunks are both in it because Mirai Trunks decided to take a vacation to the past. Everyone's the age they were in the Buu saga, except Marron is as old as Bra was in GT. I don't care if this makes no sense, it's my story. I am not making fun of Jews, seeing it as I am one myself. I'm writing down the demented thoughts that go through my head while on a sugar/caffenie rush. There are a lot of jokes you would only get if you were Jewish, so I've made a holiday guide to all the foods and traditions mentioned in this story at the end.  
  
I thought it would be fun to put a little Japanese in here( Reader: In a Jewish story? That makes no sense! Me: I'm supposed to practice what I learn! Reader: Whatever...), so here's a little translation key:  
  
Hai- Yes  
  
Iie-no  
  
Gomen-sorry  
  
Kaasan-Mom  
  
Tousan-Dad  
  
Nani-What  
  
Baka- Fool  
  
Arigatou- Thank you  
  
If there's anything you don't get don't hesitate to e-mail me about it.  
  
DBZ's First Chanukkah  
  
It was a cold day in the beginning of December in Satan City, and Mr. and Mrs. Briefs had come to visit Bulma, Vegeta, Trunks, and Bra. Bulma was talkling to her parents in the living room over a cup of tea, Bra was playing up in her room, Trunks was playing video games, and Vegeta (who had long since left the living room out of boredom) was in the gravity room, training.  
  
"Oh Bulma, I almost forgot, we have some important news to tell you!" exclaimed Mr. Briefs.  
  
"As long as it doesn't have to do with another evil villlain taking over the world, " replied Bulma.  
  
"No, it doesn't. We were looking through our old stuff in the attic with Ox King, when we found a strange picture of you granfather," started Mr. Briefs. "He was 13 years old."  
  
"And?"  
  
"He was doing something very strange. He was up on a platform, facing a bunch of people in pews. All the men had weird caps on. He was reading from a scroll."  
  
"You mean..." gasped Bulma. "We're... Jewish?!"  
  
"Hai! Not bad, we only gave you four hints before you figured it out!" said Mr. Briefs.  
  
"Duh, I'm a genius remember? C'mon, I built a time machine, I can handle something like this in my sleep!"  
  
"Speaking of time machine..." said a voice. There was a puff of smoke. Then a crash. (Dan-dan-dan) When the smoke cleared, a big machine thing stood in the middle of the living room. "Hello again, everyone." 


	2. Chapter two The Sons find out and visit ...

[Meanwhile, at the Son house]  
  
"I'm so glad you could come for a visit, Tousan!"  
  
"Sure Chi-chi, I love seeing everyone, especially the kids. Speaking of which, I got them each a present!" Ox King reached into his coat, and used his magical cartoon character abitity to pull big packages out of a really small coat. "Here's yours Goten. Where's your brother?"  
  
"I dunno, I think he's studying... PRESENTS!!! YAY!!"  
  
"Gee whiz, you'd think it's Christmas, not just a visit from your Grandpa!" exclaimed Chi-chi.  
  
"Speaking of Christmas..." started Ox King. Before he could say anything more, he was interrupted.  
  
"Oooh! Didya get anything for me, Ox King?" asked Goku hopefully. "Didya? Didya?"  
  
"Down boy!" commanded Chi-chi, while pulling on his shirt.  
  
"Ooh, yay! The new Sugar Wars video game! Become your own hyper kid and collect the sugar cubes for points. You have to beat all the evil fruits and vegtables to win! Thanks, Grandpa!" exclaimed Goten, running up to his room to play it. As Goten tore up the stairs Gohan walked down them.  
  
"Aah, finished at last," sighed Gohan.  
  
"Gohan,come here! I've got a present for you!" said Ox King.  
  
"Oooh,goodie, what is it?" Ox King handed him his present.  
  
"Awesome! A book on how to lie better to avoid getting yourself blackmailed! Cool!"  
  
"It also has a little part about mothers in there too," Ox King whispered to Gohan out of the corner of his mouth.  
  
"Nani?!" screamed Chi-chi.  
  
"Um, nothing..." said Gohan nervously.  
  
'Hmph," hmphed Chi-chi.  
  
"When's dinner? I'm starving!" said Goku.  
  
"Hold on a minute. I have something important to say. I went over to the Briefs house, Bulma's parents, and we were looking up in the attic. They found something very peculiar."  
  
"What?" Goku interrupted.  
  
"Shut up and let him finish," said Chi-chi.  
  
"What they found is not important right now. When I went back home, I decided to look in my attic to see if I could find anything interesting."  
  
"Well, what did you find?" asked Goku.  
  
"SHUT UP AND LET HIM FINISH!!!!!" screamed Chi-chi.  
  
"Gomen...."  
  
"Anyway," continued Ox King, "I found an old picture of when Chi-chi's grandma was 13 years old. It seemed that she was having a Bat Mitzvah."  
  
"You mean we're Jewish?" said Gohan.  
  
"Apparently so," replied his grandfather.  
  
"Whoa..." whoaed everyone.  
  
"The Briefs found out the same thing. That means in four days we'll be celebrating Chanukkah!"  
  
"What's a Chanukkah? Is it food? FOOD!!!!" asked Goku, drooling at the thought of food.  
  
Chi-chi conked him on the head. "No it's not food, it's a holiday!"  
  
"Holidays have food though. Do Jewish ones?"  
  
"Oy vey!" sighed Chi-chi.  
  
"See? You've had it in you all along! Oy Vey is a Yiddish*** expression!" exclaimed Ox King.  
  
"Yiddish? Is that a holiday too?" asked Goku. Chi-chi took the liberty of punching him unconscious.  
  
"So what do we do to prepare?" asked Chi-chi.  
  
"I don't know. Let's call the Briefs, Grandpa said they found out the same thing too," suggested Gohan.  
  
"Okay, I'll go call," replied Chi-chi. She went to go call, but no one answered. "Huh, no ones answering. Knowing Bulma, they're probably already researching it. We might as well go over there and see how they're doing," said Chi-chi.  
  
"Okay, but it'll take longer since someone knocked out Instant-Transmission man," said Gohan pointedly.  
  
"Don't talk to your kaasan that way, young man!" said Ox King.  
  
"Let's just get in the car. Gohan, get your brother." After convincing Goten to get off Sugar Wars and dragging Goku's unconscious form, they all piled into the Son's car. Ox King drove because no one else could.  
  
"Kaasan, can we bring Videl? I'm sure she'd be interested!" asked Gohan.  
  
"Your girlfriend? Hercules daughter? Sure!"  
  
When they arrived they found a smoking living room. By now Goku had woken up and they had explained to him on the way.  
  
"Um..." said Gohan.  
  
"What happened here?" asked Videl/  
  
"Let's just go in the lab," said Chi-chi, "And pray they're OK."  
  
"Bulma?"  
  
"Vegeta?"  
  
"Trunks?"  
  
"Bra?"  
  
"Anyone?"  
  
"We're in here!" came a voice.  
  
"Bulma! It's me, Chi-chi! We were wondering if you've found anything about Nanuka or whatever."  
  
"Chanukkah," Bulma corrected. "So far we've found that it's a celebration that lasts eight days and eight nights. It's in commeroration of a battle the Jewish people won in 165 B.C."  
  
"It's also reminding us of a miracle that happened in a temple. When the Jewish people only had enough oil to light a candelabra called a menorah, the oil lasted eight nights," continued Mirai Trunks.  
  
"Is that- it is! It's Mirai Trunks!" exclaimed Gohan.  
  
"Who's Mirai Trunks?" asked Goten and Videl.  
  
"Long story," Gohan told his brother and future wife. "Wow, what are you doing here?"  
  
"Celebrating our first Chanukkah," replied Trunks with a chuckle.  
  
"What's so funny?" asked Chi-chi.  
  
"Mom told me about this one, and I wanted to see it for myself. I can't say more than this, but it's gonna be funny!"  
  
"Right..."  
  
"Hey! Let's invite everyone over too help us prepare and celebrate!" suggested Goku.  
  
"I'll go call everyone," said Vegeta. "It's better than watching this crap." Thirty minutes later Krillin, #18, Marron, Puar, Yamucha, Tien, Oolong, Muten Roshi, and even Piccolo walked in the door.  
  
"Hey! It's Mirai Trunks!" exclaimed Yamucha.  
  
"Hai. I'm here to celebrate our first Chanukkah," he explained once more.  
  
"You know, I had a Jewish friend once, and he had this weird food called Matzah*****or something. Maybe we should eat that," said Videl.  
  
"According to my facts, Matzah is bread without yeast. Like a cracker," said Bulma. "We don't have any matzah, but we do have crackers. Veggie- chan, could you go get some?"  
  
"Don't call me that, woman!"  
  
"Just go get the crackers!"  
  
"I think they light candles too," said Tien. "Lots of candles."  
  
"Trunks, could you go grab some candles?" asked Bulma.  
  
"Hai!" both Trunkses replied.  
  
"I had a Jewish friend too, and they had these weird triangle-shaped cookies with jelly in them," put in Yamucha.  
  
"Cookies?" asked Goku. "I'll find those!"  
  
"They're called Hamentshin*****. They might have them at the grocery store, they put out any Jewish item for any Jewish holiday."  
  
"Goodie! I'll be right back!" Goku said as he put two fingers to his forehead. 


	3. Chapter Three Goku's experience at the g...

When we last left Goku, he was going to the grocery store…  
  
"Hey lady, you work here, right?" Goku asked to one of the uniformed people.  
  
"Hai, do you need something?" she replied.  
  
"I'm looking for something called a Hamentashin," said Goku.  
  
"Ah, you need the Jewish holiday section. Aisle four."  
  
"Arigatou!" Goku said as he walked off. "Hmm, Hamentashin, Hamentashin... Well, this isn't Hamentashin, but it looks good! Latke Mix***, I wonder what latkes are." Goku added the mix to the cart as he continued to look for the jelly-filled cookie. "I wonder if we'll need this bread...Shabbat*** Cha-llah****," he read from the label. "Oh well, might as well put it in the cart," Goku said with a shrug of his shoulders. "Ooh, what are these things? Matzah balls****? Mmm, sounds good. Might as well take this Charoset**** too."  
  
The cart was begining to fill up with Jewish foods. "Ooh, look at the little tops! I'll bring home a few of these spinny thingys with weird letters too!" In went the dreidels****. "Wine seems to be popular for this religion." Wine goes in the cart. "I think I've got almost enough, maybe one or two more things...But I still can't find the Hamentashin. I wonder if this thing is for Chanukkah," Goku said while picking up a package of Kougul****. "Ah! Here are the Hamentashin. I think we're ready now. Oh, wait, here's some apples and honey, guess we need them too." The saiya-jin took all of his foods into the checkout line, paid, and teleported home.  
  
"Did you get all the foods honey?" asked Chi-chi.  
  
"Um, well I did get food!" Goku replied.  
  
"Uh oh..." said Puar. "Who knows what we'll be eating!"  
  
"Goku! I need your help! Bulma says that Judaisim for Bakas said that we need to dance around with these big heavy things called Toooreees or something! And let me tell ya, these things ain't light!" called Krillin.  
  
"That's Torahs****!" yelled Bulma.  
  
"Sure I'll help Krillin. Where are they?" said Goku.  
  
"In the kitchen."  
  
"Okay." While Goku went off to help Bulma Chi-chi decided to start cooking all of the food her husband bought. Videl had her nose in Judaisim for Bakas (Bulma had bought several copies) and was trying to figure out the Hora****.  
  
"Cross you left foot over you right, then step sideways..." Videl moved, then fell over. "Oy vey!" #18 was trying to teach Bra, Goten, Trunks, and Marron how to play dreidel. Problem is, the kids were so strong that when the spin the dreidel it acted like a drill and drilled through the ground.  
  
"Oops..."  
  
Kamesammin was looking up how to say "Hey pretty lady, wanna go on a date with me?" in Hebrew. "Aht lo al-yad shelie tachat,[A/N: that is the real Hebrew!]" he said to Oolong. "Did I get it right?"  
  
"Ummm... you said 'you are next to my butt."  
  
Yamucha tried to learn the blessings over various things, such as the Torah, the Shabbat candles, the Seder*** plate, and the wine. Gohan read up on every holiday, but with all the reading he had done he got some mixed up. "It says here we fast for a whole day to-"  
  
"FAST? AS IN NOT EAT? NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!" came a horrified voice.  
  
"Oh wait, false alarm, that's Yom Kippur****..."  
  
"Phew!"  
  
"We read from something called a Megillah****, and we celebrate some lady named Ester****. We plant trees****. We eat blintzes. We sleep in a hut for eight nights and shake tree branches and lemons****," read Gohan while yawning. He looked at his watch. "Yikes! It's already one in the morning!"  
  
"Maybe we should call it a day," said #18. "If I spin one more dreidel tonight I'm gonna scream."  
  
"You're all welcome to spend the night at Capsule Corp," said Bulma. "We have plenty of space, and I love company. Is that ok with you Veggie-chan?" Vegeta only grunted in response.  
  
"I take that as a hai. Gohan, you can share a room with Goten. Two doors down that right hallway over there."  
  
"Bulma-san, can I stay wit Trunks?"  
  
"Sure! Gohan, you get a room all to yourself then!"  
  
"Tight!"  
  
"Marron, you can stay in Bra's room with her, I'm sure she won't mind." The two girls raced to Bra's room, giggling.  
  
"Chi-chi, Goku, y'all can stay in a room one door down from Gohan. Videl, you can stay in a room across from Gohan."  
  
"The walls are very thin, so we can hear EVERYTHING that goes on in Gohan's room. You better stay put, DO YOU HEAR ME?!?" yelled Chi-chi to Videl.  
  
"H-h-hai Chi-chi!"  
  
"Good!"  
  
"Gomen," whispered Gohan.  
  
"Krillin, 18, you can stay down the left hallway. Yamucha, you , Tien, and Puar can stay across the hall. Muten Roshi, you and Oolong can stay next door. I think that covers everyone," said Bulma with a sigh.  
  
"Except me!" pipped up Mirai Trunks.  
  
"Oh,gomen!You can stay next to Trunks and Goten's room."  
  
"Hai."  
  
Okay, now that that's settled, I'm going to get ready for ned!" said Bulma.  
  
"Who's Ned?" demanded Vegeta.  
  
"'Ned' is what you get when the supreme goddess author of this story makes a typo," replied Bulma. "I'm going to get ready for bed." Everyone promptly produced sweat drops.  
  
"Good night!"  
  
(Look for the new chapter VERY soon! Like within a week!) 


	4. Chapter FourSSJ Dreidels

A/N: Gahh!!! Sorry this took forever and a day to get out. I was busy with many things that I will not tell you because they don't exist and I'm lazy. Ok, this chapter has soooooooooo many Jewish jokes I can't explain them all in the guide. Ask a Jewish friend to explain it to you if you don't get it. Sorry, but I barely have time to write this, and it's kind of hard to explain.  
  
[The next morning]  
  
"Okay troops, we have three more days before Chanukkah. Let's move out!" Bulma ordered to everyone.  
  
"Whoa, she needs to take a break from all that coffee..." muttered Videl as she went back to Judaisim for Bakas. "Let's see, isn't there anything easier than the Hora in here? Ah well, I guess I'll get back to learning it..." She tried to dance again. Gohan watched, smirked, and then decided to research some more. He went to walk away, but then Videl called out to him.  
  
"And where do you think you're going, mister? You're dancing with me!"  
  
"Oh no! The hora, the hora!" (Hora, horror, get it?)  
  
[GROAN GROAN GROAN Oy vey is that a sad, overused, pathetic joke or what??]  
  
"C'mon! Dance, foo', dance!" yelled Goten, who had just walked into the room.  
  
"SHUT UP!!" Videl yelled. Gohan desperately tried to warn Goten using hand signals, but it was too late. Videl had already started chasing him around. Just then Chi-chi walked in.  
  
"What are you doing to my son?!?!?" she screeched.  
  
'Umm… Nothing…"  
  
"You'd better be doing nothing!"  
  
Videl slinked out of the room. Somebody hasn't had their coffee, she thought.  
  
The Z Senshi spent the next three days preparing, and when the first night finally came, they were "prepared."  
  
"Baroook Ete, Radoni," started Yamucha. "Meloohyanu Elek Aomam.****"  
  
"Amen," said everyone else.  
  
"Now let's eat!" said Goku.  
  
"Not yet!" exclaimed Chi-Chi. "Now we have to read the story of Chanukkah!"  
  
"Fine," Goku said, pouting.  
  
"A long, long, time ago," began Gohan.  
  
"In a galaxy far away," continued Goten.  
  
"Nabuu was under an attack," added Chibi Trunks.  
  
"Iie, iie, iie!!" exclaimed Gohan. "We're not singing Weird Al here! Anyway, like I was saying…"  
  
"A long time ago there was a princess named Ester. She always lit eight pieces of Matzah in her window to ward off the evil Haman," said Bulma. Mirai Trunks chuckled.  
  
"Nani?"  
  
"Nothing, nothing. Please continue."  
  
"Ok. Anyway, one day the evil Haman decided to make all the Jews his slaves. Ester went up to him, with her brother Moses, and fought his giant army with sticks and stones. The sticks turned into plagues, like blood, darkness, and evil Hamentashin. A angel of death passed over Haman's army, turning them all into sheep blood."  
  
"My turn, my turn!" squealed Bra. "Okay. Next a Pharoah came, and killed all of the last-born children in the land, which by the way was Cannan. Ester and her brother planted trees, then picked the fruit and put Kippahs on them."  
  
"And then the evil vegetables come in, and then the sugar cubes fight them, and-"  
  
"Goten! This is the story of Chanukkah, not Sugar Wars!" scolded Gohan.  
  
"Oops."  
  
"Anyway," said Bra. "The Kippahs threw the fruits in the Red Sea. They Sea parted, letting all the evil Hamentashin in. They put the menorah into the water, closing it up, thus drowning the Hamentashin. It took eight days for the Hamentashin to disintegrate, which is why we celebrate for eight nights. That is the story of Chanukkah." Bra took a bow, and everyone clapped.  
  
"Can we eat now?" asked you-know-who.  
  
"No! We still have to play dreidel, dance the Hora, and eat Hamentashin!" scolded Videl. "Now, Jyuu-chan? Will you tell us how to play dreidel?"  
  
"Ok. This is what you do. You spin these tops and if you get this weird symbol, a 'gimel' or whatever, you win. A 'nun' means ya lose, a 'shin' means you put one in, and a 'hay' means you get half."  
  
"I, the prince of all Saiya-jins, will defeat you in dreidel playing, Kakarrot!" proclaimed Vegeta.  
  
"You're on!"  
  
"Goku doesn't have the brain for dreidel," whispered Krillin to Piccolo.  
  
"But I thought it was a game of luck."  
  
"It is." Thus began the dreidel tournament. Goku and Vegeta played and played, and the rest just sat around, eating Latkes, Hamentashin, Matzah ball soup, Challah, and Chaorset.  
  
"Ha Vegeta! I beat you again! My Super saiya-jin dreidel is no matchfor your Ozooru!"  
  
"Ha!!!!" yelled Vegeta. "Dreidel, power up!"  
  
"Dreidel, go SSJ 3!!!"  
  
"Uh, boys?" asked Chi-chi tentatively. "There's food!"  
  
"FOOOD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"  
  
Thus, the Z Senshi had their first Jewish holiday.  
  
Epilogue:  
  
Afterwards they all decided it was too hard being Jewish, and converted to Christianity. Yamucha decided to convert to Judaisim, and now is an ultra- Orthodox rabbi. Goten beat the Sugar Wars game in three days after using a cheat book from Chibi Trunks. Mirai Trunks went home, and in his photo album were pictures captioned: "The wackiest Chanukkah ever!"  
  
A/N: Abrupt ending, ne? Sorry, but I HAD to finish this. It was driving me nuts. Thanks for reading, now I gotta go abduct a toothbrush(a la Amanda from the Amanda show)! ~Jyupi-chan 


End file.
